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<channel><title><![CDATA[All Gays Go to Heaven - Humor Column]]></title><link><![CDATA[http://allgays.weebly.com/humor-column.html]]></link><description><![CDATA[Humor Column]]></description><pubDate>Mon, 14 May 2012 16:06:15 -0800</pubDate><generator>Weebly</generator><item><title><![CDATA[Humor Column Gets a Life of its own!]]></title><link><![CDATA[http://allgays.weebly.com/1/post/2010/09/humor-column-gets-a-life-of-its-own.html]]></link><comments><![CDATA[http://allgays.weebly.com/1/post/2010/09/humor-column-gets-a-life-of-its-own.html#comments]]></comments><pubDate>Sat, 04 Sep 2010 22:38:12 -0800</pubDate><category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category><guid isPermaLink="false">http://allgays.weebly.com/1/post/2010/09/humor-column-gets-a-life-of-its-own.html</guid><description><![CDATA[Hey fans and readers,The column has taken on with a host of readers so I am moving to Blogger. &nbsp;Please click here to come see me! &nbsp;Well, not me, my writing. &nbsp;And, well, actually it's my typing. &nbsp;Either way, you can find it here!A Queer Sense of Humor Column by Reece Manley [...] ]]></description><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div  class="paragraph" style=" text-align: left; ">Hey fans and readers,<br />The column has taken on with a host of readers so I am moving to Blogger. &nbsp;Please click here to come see me! &nbsp;Well, not me, my writing. &nbsp;And, well, actually it's my typing. &nbsp;Either way, you can find it here!<br /><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong><em><a href="http://aqueersenseofhumor.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">A Queer Sense of Humor Column by Reece Manley</a></em></strong></span></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Bulldogs and Chickens]]></title><link><![CDATA[http://allgays.weebly.com/1/post/2010/07/bulldogs-and-chickens.html]]></link><comments><![CDATA[http://allgays.weebly.com/1/post/2010/07/bulldogs-and-chickens.html#comments]]></comments><pubDate>Thu, 15 Jul 2010 03:15:02 -0800</pubDate><category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category><guid isPermaLink="false">http://allgays.weebly.com/1/post/2010/07/bulldogs-and-chickens.html</guid><description><![CDATA[It was a doomed relationship from the beginning. &nbsp;The light and love of my life, my English bulldog, Roxie was just a little too curious.You see, it's become vogue to keep some chickens about the place even on the city lots. &nbsp;Yes, chickens. &nbsp;Live ones. &nbsp;Can you imagine? &nbsp;Chicken as pets. &nbsp;Chickens as food. &nbsp;Chickens as humane efforts. &nbsp;Yes, they rescue chickens. &nbsp;Bo Pilgrim would  [...] ]]></description><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div  class="paragraph" style=" text-align: left; ">It was a doomed relationship from the beginning. &nbsp;The light and love of my life, my English bulldog, Roxie was just a little too curious.<div><br></div><div>You see, it's become vogue to keep some chickens about the place even on the city lots. &nbsp;Yes, chickens. &nbsp;Live ones. &nbsp;Can you imagine? &nbsp;Chicken as pets. &nbsp;Chickens as food. &nbsp;Chickens as humane efforts. &nbsp;Yes, they rescue chickens. &nbsp;Bo Pilgrim would be proud.</div><div><br></div><div>Any way the neighbors, the one's that have come from the state or Arkansas have been delighted with this development. &nbsp;They've got white chickens, brown chickens, red chickens...and alas, boy chickens. &nbsp;Yes, roosters. &nbsp;Normally docile and simply watching over their flock, this birds give call to the morning quite early.</div><div><br></div><div>The first time they did this, Roxie almost broke down the door. &nbsp;I had learned to keep the two separate. &nbsp;But one morning Roxie had gotten me up especially early to relieve herself and we were out in the pre-dawn hours. &nbsp;The rooster, safely behind the fence, hopped up on a fence post and let a shrill screech that sounded like a cat being killed in a wood chipper machine. &nbsp;Trust me. &nbsp;You don't want to know how I knew that.</div><div><br></div><div>Roxie was stirred in her predator soul and ran straight for the rooster. &nbsp;The rooster, confused that something had come close to his safety zone managed to hop from one fence post, over to the other.</div><div><br></div><div>Now, a 50 pound bulldog cannot change direction at full speed. &nbsp;She is rather like a juggernaut. &nbsp;As the rooster hopped, Roxie's eyes followed the prey but found the distance between her and the former perch to be too short to change. &nbsp;I think she closed her eyes as the post gave a "doiiiing" sound. &nbsp;Roxie had been at full speed. &nbsp;And, she promptly sat on her rump, the loser in the game of physics.</div><div><br></div><div>The rooster was a real bitch though. &nbsp;It saw the weakness of my beloved dog. &nbsp;There was nothing that could be done to save her and the rooster new it was his one chance. &nbsp;A flap of wings, the look of horror from Roxie and skirmish erupting sending Roxie coming back to my home at top speed with a rooster riding her. &nbsp;I couldn't be sure, but it appeared the rooster was riding side saddle.</div><div><br></div><div>Roxie ran past me and into the house, rooster still attached. &nbsp;She crashed into the stove and much to the chagrin of the rooster a pot shook lose from the cooktop and feel upon the duo. &nbsp;Knocking the rooster out cold and sending Roxie scampering for other rooms where perhaps safety could be found.</div><div><br></div><div>I pondered what to do. &nbsp;An unconscious rooster and a panicked bulldog, all before morning coffee.</div><div><br></div><div>I did consider plucking the rooster but that seemed like poor sportsmanship. &nbsp;So, I took it and hurled it into it's own yard. &nbsp;It awoke flapped, fell over. &nbsp;Flapped again. &nbsp;Enough of a sign of life that I excused myself back to the house.</div><div><br></div><div>Needless to say, Roxie no longer barks at the chickens. &nbsp;And I haven't heard the peel of the rooster in a week. &nbsp;When the neighbors showed up with a pot of chicken dumplings to share, I could not help wonder if it was indeed the old red rooster. &nbsp;Either way, it was t</div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Pussy Cream Blues]]></title><link><![CDATA[http://allgays.weebly.com/1/post/2010/07/pussy-cream-blues.html]]></link><comments><![CDATA[http://allgays.weebly.com/1/post/2010/07/pussy-cream-blues.html#comments]]></comments><pubDate>Tue, 13 Jul 2010 01:02:20 -0800</pubDate><category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category><guid isPermaLink="false">http://allgays.weebly.com/1/post/2010/07/pussy-cream-blues.html</guid><description><![CDATA[You never know what Momma will bring home from Wal-Mart. &nbsp;She makes a little journey almost every day. &nbsp;It's her and Roxie's outing so it's a required event most days. &nbsp;Who needs out more, I really can't say.I had a small assignment for Momma. &nbsp;Having had weight loss surgery, a have a few thousand skin folds ha [...] ]]></description><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div  class="paragraph" style=" text-align: left; "><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: calibri, Helvetica, Arial, san-serif; font-size: 15px; ">You never know what Momma will bring home from Wal-Mart. &nbsp;She makes a little journey almost every day. &nbsp;It's her and Roxie's outing so it's a required event most days. &nbsp;Who needs out more, I really can't say.<br /><br />I had a small assignment for Momma. &nbsp;Having had weight loss surgery, a have a few thousand skin folds hanging about my body. &nbsp;From time to time, these folds will need some, um, special attention because fungi like to breed like Baptists in the dark, warm areas. &nbsp;I know what you're thinking. &nbsp;Too much information. &nbsp;Oh, honey, we haven't started.<br /><br />Anyway, I gave Momma the assignment to fetch something from the Wal-Mart that would take care of the problem and really didn't think another thing about it. &nbsp;I assumed some Tinactin would appear and take care of it. &nbsp;I almost missed the completely innocent looking blue tube when I used the lavatory later that day.<br /><br />As usual, Momma had deposited requested items in logical places. &nbsp;Toothpaste, check. &nbsp;Soap, check. &nbsp;Razors, check. &nbsp;Vaginal cream, che....what the hell? &nbsp;I reread the bottle. &nbsp;MONISTAT. &nbsp;Oh, lord, Momma had bought hoo hoo ointment. &nbsp;I knew she'd always wanted a daughter. &nbsp;Had we had some great confusion? &nbsp;After all, her mind is aging? &nbsp;Perhaps, she had thought the boys in and out of my life didn't mean I was gay, but rather a troop of suitors for her daughter.<br /><br />MONISTAT. &nbsp;The little blue tube screamed at me. &nbsp;My, my. &nbsp;Hoo hoo cream. &nbsp;Now what was I supposed to put that on.<br /><br />As a man, I'm delightfully free of anything resembling a vagina. &nbsp;I mean, I'm sure they are perfectly lovely things to own. &nbsp;At least most of the time. &nbsp;After all, the very existence of MONISTAT bespoke the little problems one can have in owning a hoo hoo. &nbsp;However, of all the problems I would have in my life, what to do with vagina cream was not one I had been expecting. &nbsp;Being at heart, a big dumb male, a decided to pick the box up at arm's length. &nbsp;"Um, Momma," the images being conjured up were not pleasant, "I believe you left one of your personal items in my bathroom."<br /><br />Then, just as sweet as Southern sun came Momma's reply, "No, honey, that's for you." &nbsp;I waited for more information to come forth. &nbsp;Surely, some nugget of wisdom. &nbsp;But, that was all Momma had to say on the subject.<br /><br />Now, having been a nurse for 20 years, Momma knew antifungal was antifungal was antifungal. &nbsp;Being a man for 40 years, I &nbsp;knew a truth, too. &nbsp;MONISTAT was for hoo-hoos. &nbsp;Not for, well, for male anatomy.<br /><br />I followed Momma into the next room. &nbsp;"Momma, I don't know how to break this to you, but I haven't a hoo hoo on me and you see this is MONISTAT . " &nbsp;She replied, "It's antfungal. &nbsp;Just put it on your area you're having problems with."<br /><br />So, here I am with hoo hoo cream under my arm. &nbsp;Yes, 40 years of proud masculinity and I'm wearing vagina cure ointment. &nbsp;And the sad thing, it's working.<br /><br />Damn it, Momma really&nbsp;<em>is</em>&nbsp;never wrong. &nbsp;Even when it comes to pussy cream.<br /><br /></span></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[The warning signs of a Gay Recession]]></title><link><![CDATA[http://allgays.weebly.com/1/post/2010/07/the-warning-signs-of-a-gay-recession.html]]></link><comments><![CDATA[http://allgays.weebly.com/1/post/2010/07/the-warning-signs-of-a-gay-recession.html#comments]]></comments><pubDate>Mon, 12 Jul 2010 00:59:03 -0800</pubDate><category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category><guid isPermaLink="false">http://allgays.weebly.com/1/post/2010/07/the-warning-signs-of-a-gay-recession.html</guid><description><![CDATA[Top Ten Signs You May Be in a Gay Recession  10.&nbsp; Summer trip goes from Auckland Cruise to Habanna Inn, Oklahoma City.&nbsp; Relax, you&rsquo;ll have just as much fun.  9.&nbsp; You find yourself passing on the CVS gift card aisle despite the perfect card for Aunt Sherry is staring straight at you! [...] ]]></description><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div  class="paragraph" style=" text-align: left; ">Top Ten Signs You May Be in a Gay Recession<br /><br />  10.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">&nbsp; </span>Summer trip goes from Auckland Cruise to Habanna Inn, Oklahoma City.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">&nbsp; </span>Relax, you&rsquo;ll have just as much fun.<br /><br />  9.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">&nbsp; </span>You find yourself passing on the CVS gift card aisle despite the perfect card for Aunt Sherry is staring straight at you!<br /><br />  8.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">&nbsp; </span>You enter a Wal-Mart and don&rsquo;t burst into flames.<br /><br />  7.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">&nbsp; </span>Your new house wine is Strawberry Hill.<br /><br />  6.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">&nbsp; </span>You&rsquo;ve traded in your little yippie dog for a lot less yippee BF.<br /><br />  5.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">&nbsp; </span>Lesbians are not waiting to second date to move in with each other, but plan it someone time after the &ldquo;Hi, my name is Pam&rdquo; and &ldquo;We&rsquo;ll have the shrimp appetizers&rdquo;.<br /><br />  4.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">&nbsp; </span>You cruise the IHOP rather than the bars.<br /><br />  3.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">&nbsp; </span>You pretend to be an alcoholic so you have someplace to be on Friday night.<br /><br />  2.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">&nbsp; </span>You&rsquo;re not afraid to be seen holding hands in Macon, Georgia.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">&nbsp; </span>It replaces gym fees.<br /><br />  And the number One Sign You May Be in a Gay Recession....<br /><br />  One....<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">&nbsp;&nbsp; </span>You&rsquo;ve cut down on mani/pedi until your BF refuses to play &ldquo;Push My Buttons&rdquo;... at least the fun kind, anyway.&nbsp;</div>]]></content:encoded></item></channel></rss>

